


Dean Can't Save Everyone

by runoutofwit



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2012-12-22
Packaged: 2017-11-21 23:57:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/603485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runoutofwit/pseuds/runoutofwit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel finds out how Naomi has been using him, and the idea that he has once again betrayed the Winchesters shatters him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dean Can't Save Everyone

**Author's Note:**

> This was just some angst I wrote after "Hunteri Heroci" and Castiel's speech. Please observe the tags!

The blow of realizing what he's done, how he's been used, how he's hurt, is devastating.

It seems like it always ends up this way. He can get nothing that he wants, and when he does, it's always taken from him.

He searched for his Father, but his Father is gone.

He thought he could protect the Winchesters, but he only betrayed them.

He thought he could save his home, but he only caused it to crumble.

He should have stayed in Purgatory, he thinks. That was where he deserved to be. That was his prison. That was meant to be his atonement. 

And now, there's this. Once again, the Winchesters' blood is on his hands. He's betrayed them again, but now, he decides, this will be the last time.

He doesn't say goodbyes. He shields himself from the world. He takes only a moment to look at Heaven, fearing that if he stays too long, Naomi will catch him again. 

He goes to Pontiac, Illinois. He looks upon Amelia and Clare Novak, and silently apologizes to them. They are safe, but they will never see Jimmy again. The man, he's... Well, Castiel doesn't even know. Perhaps his soul is torn to shreds. Perhaps he is in Heaven. But he is no longer in this body, no longer under Castiel's watch, and he is so deeply sorry that he could not protect him.

He goes to Sioux Falls, South Dakota to visit the charred remains of Bobby Singer's house. For a moment in time, this had been his home. And that man had been his friend. There's a sting of regret as he thinks on the loss, and Castiel wonders how many more years the man would have had if the angel had not released the Leviathan onto earth.

He goes to a shabby motel room in Cleveland, Ohio. Both the Winchesters are there, licking their wounds from a hunt. He has betrayed their trust again and again. He knows how he has hurt them. He thought that being pulled back to Earth was a sign that he should now do whatever it takes to help, even in the simplest of ways. And how better could he help than by being a hunter? By modeling himself after these two boys who have sacrificed everything, who selflessly defend the Earth again and again, and all the people who live here?

But he was wrong. Because once again he has betrayed their trust, and he cannot help this time.

Sam leaves the room, but Dean remains, running a needle through his skin to stitch it back together. The angel steps close. His heart hasn't hurt this much in a long time. He wants to reveal himself. He wants to personally tell Dean how sorry he is, how awful he feels. How Dean deserves so much better than this. How he's sorry that, once again, another person is leaving the hunter's life.

He goes to an island, far away from everyone. He stands on the shore and feels the water soak his shoes and trousers. He pulls the blade from his jacket pocket, weighs it in his hand and admires it in the light of the rising sun.

He's doing this of his own volition, he tells himself. He doesn't waste time. He doesn't contemplate it. He drives the tip through his heart with one quick stroke. He can feel his grace burning up, screaming, pouring through his mouth and his eyes and casting brilliant blue light on the water surrounding him. 

This is free will, he tells himself.

And as he crumples to the ground, his wings burning into the sand below, his last thoughts are not of the family and home he destroyed. They are of the hunter who saw something in him worth saving.

But Dean can't save everyone.


End file.
